Make yours a happy one.
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Break's Over
Went back to work today. Work isn't bad. Not having unlimited access to my baby: not very fun. But we're doing it! We survived today, (I made it through work, Keaton made it through the day w/ Jamison alone, and Jamison...well he just made it through the day!) so chances are the next time might get a little easier.
Might.
But for now, here is a random smattering of pictures from our holiday!
Might.
But for now, here is a random smattering of pictures from our holiday!
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
A Daddy's Lullaby
Merry Christmas Eve, everybody!
The other night I had just put Jamison down and Keaton and I were getting ready for bed when he started up crying again. Keaton just said "I'll get it," and I thankfully let him go in to soothe him. I am always telling him about my ritualistic methods of soothing, which includes singing to him softly until his eyes get heavy. I was pleased to hear Keaton singing to our baby, thinking that of course he listened my very wise advice. But this is the song he was singing softly to our child:
Keaton's Lullaby
(To the tune of Brahms Lullaby)
Go to sleep
Go to sleep
Go to sleep, little baby
Mommy's tired and
Daddy's tired
and your screaming
keeps us awake.
Loved it.
The other night I had just put Jamison down and Keaton and I were getting ready for bed when he started up crying again. Keaton just said "I'll get it," and I thankfully let him go in to soothe him. I am always telling him about my ritualistic methods of soothing, which includes singing to him softly until his eyes get heavy. I was pleased to hear Keaton singing to our baby, thinking that of course he listened my very wise advice. But this is the song he was singing softly to our child:
Keaton's Lullaby
(To the tune of Brahms Lullaby)
Go to sleep
Go to sleep
Go to sleep, little baby
Mommy's tired and
Daddy's tired
and your screaming
keeps us awake.
Loved it.
Monday, December 22, 2008
A Rock in the River
I am like a rock in the middle of a swift moving river.
I don't particularly enjoy change. I get comfortable in one place. Things around me can be in constant transition, but I don't usually mind. I'm settled.
But today I made a difficult decision. I'm leaving the branch I've worked at for the last three and a half years and moving to the Roy branch. I don't love this job and always told myself that if I was going to make the effort to move, I would make it worth my while and change companies, maybe do something I really enjoy. Or, I'd just quit completely and rely solely on my photography and writing as my means of income. But instead of focusing on my possible paths to career success I chose to have a baby.
That decision made it inevitable that I would stay at Wells Fargo. Keaton's job doesn't currently come with benefits, and I can maintain our health insurance at Wells Fargo by working only 18 hours. I knew that if I had a baby, I would not want to work full time. And if I went anywhere else, no matter if in a more favored field or with a more desirable salary, it was unlikely that I would find the words "part-time" and "benefits" in the same sentence together.
When I got pregnant, however, I was happy with my job and didn't mind the prospect of sticking around for a while. Both my service manager and store manager were easygoing and fun. I felt like a valued member of a team. In April, however, when I was about three or four months pregnant, the store manager got moved to a different branch and the service manager went to work for another bank. Not a huge problem, things had changed like that before. The river is constantly moving...I just watch it go by.
Even when I hit some troubled waters, even when my new managers and I didn't "click" I still kept on, just biding my time until my maternity leave, when I could get a break. It was okay...I'd told both my new managers in June that I planned to go part-time when my baby was born. Even though we didn't see eye to eye on a lot of things, I didn't think twice about it. They tweak schedules all the time, why should I be any different?
Right before Jamison was born I was regretfully informed that I would be needed for 25 hours when I returned from maternity. Apparently six months is not enough time to shave more than five hours off of a person's schedule. At that time I should have stuck in my heels and insist I get 18, but I didn't. I just wanted to have my baby, not argue about what it might be like when I came back. It seemed worlds away, so I decided to wait before I made a huge fuss about it. A lot can change in three months, right? I figured by then they would be able to work it out for me.
Then I had my baby, and my complacency turned to urgency. It wasn't just about 18 hours of work a week vs 25 hours, it was a question of how on earth I would ever be able to leave my baby for any amount of time at all. (Carolanne was the recipient of many a tearful phone call, when I still had months to go before I had to worry about it.) Moms are supposed to stay home with their babies, right? That is the natural order.
But when I'm being realistic, it isn't in the cards. We need health insurance. We need that little bit of extra money. I'm going back to work for my family, not in spite of them. I had to come to terms with that fact.
But as I've been preparing to return to work, it became very apparent that there is no negotiating the 25 hours. I was told in no uncertain terms that if I wanted less than that I would have to go somewhere else. They would rather start over with someone else than work me one less shift. I know, I don't get it either. So I sucked in a breath and didn't argue. There seemed to be no other choice.
Then a position opened up at the Roy branch for 18 hours. I applied for it, first thinking that for sure they would have to give in now. They wouldn't really want to lose me. But all I got in response to my disclosing that I had applied elsewhere was a "keep us informed."
What?
But still, I held out hope that this could serve as some sort of bargaining chip. Eventually, they would have to give in. I could stay in my easy world and still get what I wanted. I had an interview arranged, and I went to it this afternoon. They offered me the job.
I didn't accept it, not right away.
Instead, I went home and cried. I was finally at a crossroads. I absolutely, positively DID NOT want to leave my branch. I've spent three years there. The customers know me. They ask about me and my baby. They sent me cute presents for him. I know their names and their stories. I also have friends in my other coworkers there. I have inside jokes with them. I take their family's pictures. I empathize with them, and they listen to me. They indulge my disorganization and forgetfulness. They let me vent when something bugs me. I don't want to leave, even if it means working a few extra hours a week.
After my interview I came home and held my baby. He'd been a little bit fussy while I was gone, and so I rocked and fed him, then he fell asleep curled up against my chest, his face snuggled into the crook of my neck. I started to wish to myself that I didn't have to go back to work at all. He needs me.
And thats when I realized--I do have to go back, there is no getting around that. But I need to get over myself. I can't have it my way. If by giving up my comfortable spot, planted firmly in the middle of the river, I can give myself an extra seven hours a week with my baby, I have to do it. I'll miss my friends at Syracuse, but I'm doing this for Jamison.
So I accepted the position. Yep, its the same company. Yep, I'll be doing the same thing day in and day out...but it was still a very hard decision to make. Because I don't like change. I like easy.
But I'm a mom now.
I don't particularly enjoy change. I get comfortable in one place. Things around me can be in constant transition, but I don't usually mind. I'm settled.
But today I made a difficult decision. I'm leaving the branch I've worked at for the last three and a half years and moving to the Roy branch. I don't love this job and always told myself that if I was going to make the effort to move, I would make it worth my while and change companies, maybe do something I really enjoy. Or, I'd just quit completely and rely solely on my photography and writing as my means of income. But instead of focusing on my possible paths to career success I chose to have a baby.
That decision made it inevitable that I would stay at Wells Fargo. Keaton's job doesn't currently come with benefits, and I can maintain our health insurance at Wells Fargo by working only 18 hours. I knew that if I had a baby, I would not want to work full time. And if I went anywhere else, no matter if in a more favored field or with a more desirable salary, it was unlikely that I would find the words "part-time" and "benefits" in the same sentence together.
When I got pregnant, however, I was happy with my job and didn't mind the prospect of sticking around for a while. Both my service manager and store manager were easygoing and fun. I felt like a valued member of a team. In April, however, when I was about three or four months pregnant, the store manager got moved to a different branch and the service manager went to work for another bank. Not a huge problem, things had changed like that before. The river is constantly moving...I just watch it go by.
Even when I hit some troubled waters, even when my new managers and I didn't "click" I still kept on, just biding my time until my maternity leave, when I could get a break. It was okay...I'd told both my new managers in June that I planned to go part-time when my baby was born. Even though we didn't see eye to eye on a lot of things, I didn't think twice about it. They tweak schedules all the time, why should I be any different?
Right before Jamison was born I was regretfully informed that I would be needed for 25 hours when I returned from maternity. Apparently six months is not enough time to shave more than five hours off of a person's schedule. At that time I should have stuck in my heels and insist I get 18, but I didn't. I just wanted to have my baby, not argue about what it might be like when I came back. It seemed worlds away, so I decided to wait before I made a huge fuss about it. A lot can change in three months, right? I figured by then they would be able to work it out for me.
Then I had my baby, and my complacency turned to urgency. It wasn't just about 18 hours of work a week vs 25 hours, it was a question of how on earth I would ever be able to leave my baby for any amount of time at all. (Carolanne was the recipient of many a tearful phone call, when I still had months to go before I had to worry about it.) Moms are supposed to stay home with their babies, right? That is the natural order.
But when I'm being realistic, it isn't in the cards. We need health insurance. We need that little bit of extra money. I'm going back to work for my family, not in spite of them. I had to come to terms with that fact.
But as I've been preparing to return to work, it became very apparent that there is no negotiating the 25 hours. I was told in no uncertain terms that if I wanted less than that I would have to go somewhere else. They would rather start over with someone else than work me one less shift. I know, I don't get it either. So I sucked in a breath and didn't argue. There seemed to be no other choice.
Then a position opened up at the Roy branch for 18 hours. I applied for it, first thinking that for sure they would have to give in now. They wouldn't really want to lose me. But all I got in response to my disclosing that I had applied elsewhere was a "keep us informed."
What?
But still, I held out hope that this could serve as some sort of bargaining chip. Eventually, they would have to give in. I could stay in my easy world and still get what I wanted. I had an interview arranged, and I went to it this afternoon. They offered me the job.
I didn't accept it, not right away.
Instead, I went home and cried. I was finally at a crossroads. I absolutely, positively DID NOT want to leave my branch. I've spent three years there. The customers know me. They ask about me and my baby. They sent me cute presents for him. I know their names and their stories. I also have friends in my other coworkers there. I have inside jokes with them. I take their family's pictures. I empathize with them, and they listen to me. They indulge my disorganization and forgetfulness. They let me vent when something bugs me. I don't want to leave, even if it means working a few extra hours a week.
After my interview I came home and held my baby. He'd been a little bit fussy while I was gone, and so I rocked and fed him, then he fell asleep curled up against my chest, his face snuggled into the crook of my neck. I started to wish to myself that I didn't have to go back to work at all. He needs me.
And thats when I realized--I do have to go back, there is no getting around that. But I need to get over myself. I can't have it my way. If by giving up my comfortable spot, planted firmly in the middle of the river, I can give myself an extra seven hours a week with my baby, I have to do it. I'll miss my friends at Syracuse, but I'm doing this for Jamison.
So I accepted the position. Yep, its the same company. Yep, I'll be doing the same thing day in and day out...but it was still a very hard decision to make. Because I don't like change. I like easy.
But I'm a mom now.
Saturday, December 20, 2008
Bundle of Joy
Great-Grandma and Grandpa Smith bought Jamison this little outfit, its like a fleece blanket with arms, legs and a hat. Mommy loves it!
We went to the doctor yesterday bundled up for the snowy weather.
Jamison loves the doctor. Poor guy had to get some shots.
My sentiments exactly, little soldier.
It was his 2 month checkup. No surprise here: He is 13.9 lbs and 24 inches. 90th percentile for both.
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Breakthrough!
Today I was able to wear my pre-pregnancy jeans for the first time! They are two sizes smaller than the jeans I bought the week after Jamison was born. Of course they were loose before and now they are still pretty tight, but I don't care. Yay for me!
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
2 steps forward, 1 step back
So, my life has gotten a little simpler since Jamison's sleep patterns have begun to be more synchronized with mine (i.e. he is learning that night is for sleeping.) In fact, some of my favorite times with him are when he first wakes up in the morning and nurses cuddled up to me on my bed. He is such a good baby when he is well rested, even smiling at me when I first pick him up. I have begun to see hope on the horizon! He now goes to bed pretty consistently between 9 and 10, wakes up at 1:30-2:30 and 4:00-5:00 and goes back to sleep so well after he is full again. But Sunday morning at 3:30, he would NOT go back to sleep. I can't go to sleep to his crying, so I stayed awake staring at the dark ceiling in my room. I tried for an hour to let him just cry, because I knew very well that he was well fed and had a clean diaper and that more than likely he was just wanting my company. In the incredible book Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child, it says that to give in to your child's desire to socialize will just rob him of the sleep he needs and make the problem worse. I tried to console him after so long, and after another hour I tried to feed him again. Finally at 5:30 am I took him downstairs so that I could at least be entertained for a while by watching some tv, and he fell asleep in my arms. But when I took him upstairs and laid him down it wasn't more than 5 minutes before he was awake and crying again. Finally at 7:30 he went to sleep, but we have 9:00 church, so I figured any more sleep was out for me and decided to take a bath to relax some of my very taught nerves.
I got a little too relaxed in the tub and fell asleep, waking up incredibly pruney in cold water at 9, when we were supposed to be going to church. (I know, that's bad.) At that point I said "forget it" and woke up Keaton, handed him the baby (who was awake again) and said "I'm sleeping. He is yours." Keaton, thankfully, took him and let me sleep from 10 until 2 in the afternoon. So, no church for us, but mommy at least got to recover some of the sleep she lost during the night.
We haven't ha another incident like that since, but everytime I wake up with him in the night I worry if he's going to go back to sleep or keep me up like that again. And with my return to work only around the corner, I worry even more.
I guess it isn't unusual for a baby to have an episode like that, and we're just lucky it isn't an everyday thing. He is becoming such an individual at only 2 months, and I can see his personality a little more every day. For the most part, he is an observer, he likes to be carried around facing out so he can see everything. He is reserved, his smiles sweet and calm. I know it'll be hard to leave him but we're just doing what we have to do and playing it by ear.
And even though sometimes it feels like we're taking 2 steps forward and 1 step back, that still leaves us 1 step further ahead than we were before because with every incident like what happened on Sunday, we're learning. And that is something!
Saturday, December 13, 2008
Heaven Sent
This is my little man, he was so cute today and the camera was nearby...what can I say? I'm an addict.
He Speaks!
Conversations with my two month old.
Sorry the quality is so bad, I took them with my cell phone this morning at like six, and it was still dark.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Today
Carolanne mentioned on her blog that while she takes a shower she lets William play on the floor outside the bathroom so she can keep an eye on him. I thought this was a great idea so I tried it myself this morning. It was only a quick shower, but as you can see, he was in no mood to play. The light from the bathroom was so pretty and clean I had to get a shot. I spent the next forty five minutes or so stepping over him, he was taking up the whole hall and I couldn't bear to move him and wake him up!
Later on...
Chillin' with Dad. Our baby is getting into World of Warcraft early.
Later on...
Chillin' with Dad. Our baby is getting into World of Warcraft early.
Friday, December 5, 2008
8 years
Eight years ago today I got my very first kiss.
I had spent the day hanging out with my friends, but more importantly with this particular guy upon whom I'd been harboring a huge crush. We'd been on one date in early October, which was awesome, but after that he'd kind of gotten back together with a previous girlfriend. But eight years ago today, it was looking like that was over and I was doing my best to squeak back into his line of sight.
We spent most of the day at the mall, it happened to be the "teacher protest day" and we unofficially had the day off of school. We flirted outrageously, and I remember feeling so cute in jeans and this purple t-shirt.
At the end of the day, he drove me home and I let him listen to my favorite song (at the time it was Neve, "It's over now." Check it out if you've never heard it before.) and then I walked him to his car. As we were saying goodnight he leaned over and kissed me. Really kissed me--maybe more of a kiss than I was ready for, but still good. :)
Here it is, eight years later, and he took me out again. We just went out to eat and talked. When he took me home I got a little bit better than a plain old kiss (blushes) and then I tucked our sweet baby in to his crib. When we say goodnight tonight, we won't have to leave each other. I'll get to fall asleep with him right next to me.
I love my sweetheart. Happy Eight Year First Kiss Anniversary, Keaton. You are my life.
I had spent the day hanging out with my friends, but more importantly with this particular guy upon whom I'd been harboring a huge crush. We'd been on one date in early October, which was awesome, but after that he'd kind of gotten back together with a previous girlfriend. But eight years ago today, it was looking like that was over and I was doing my best to squeak back into his line of sight.
We spent most of the day at the mall, it happened to be the "teacher protest day" and we unofficially had the day off of school. We flirted outrageously, and I remember feeling so cute in jeans and this purple t-shirt.
At the end of the day, he drove me home and I let him listen to my favorite song (at the time it was Neve, "It's over now." Check it out if you've never heard it before.) and then I walked him to his car. As we were saying goodnight he leaned over and kissed me. Really kissed me--maybe more of a kiss than I was ready for, but still good. :)
Here it is, eight years later, and he took me out again. We just went out to eat and talked. When he took me home I got a little bit better than a plain old kiss (blushes) and then I tucked our sweet baby in to his crib. When we say goodnight tonight, we won't have to leave each other. I'll get to fall asleep with him right next to me.
I love my sweetheart. Happy Eight Year First Kiss Anniversary, Keaton. You are my life.
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