Waiting

I am so sick of waiting for everything. I want so much to feel settled, to know that the earth isn't going to drop out from under my feet, especially in this economy. Right now we're waiting for Keaton's job to be made permanent after four years of being temporary. The base with its corrupt politics is nearly impossible to crack. His bosses keep promising, but they've been promising from the get-go. He feels like he can't bug them about it too much, but I'm always afraid they're going to come to him one day and just let him go. It has happened before, though we were lucky to get him back on afterward. I keep telling myself it will be okay, but what happens if he does get dropped? Would it fall to me to work full time? Could I make enough money for our family on my own? Would we have to sell our house? Our cars? Our...everything? I'm not usually much of a worrier but in this economy, it wouldn't be surprising to end up as one of the statistics that are spouted on the news every day.

And that's not the only thing we're waiting for. I applied for a position as a graphic designer and had a great interview, but their revenue isn't where they'd like it to be to hire someone else, so they're waiting it out a bit to see if they get more business before they have me back. I've been waiting since September for final word on my book, the last they told me was "we want to hold off a few months before we make a decision." And every day that goes by I'm waiting for phone calls from new clients for wedding photography. Except every day the market gets more and more saturated as people just like me decide that they want to give it a try...I can't blame them, that's exactly where i was two-three years ago when I first started out...but it is frustrating. I'm in this in-between place--not well-off enough to afford the expensive but highly effective advertising (utahweddings, utahbrides, etc) but not amateur enough to offer those dirt cheap prices that someone without the experience has to offer to build a portfolio. Sigh. Still hoping that as spring approaches there will be an upswing in the demand for wedding photography. But if I miss riding that wave, I could be without much work the entire summer.

So I keep waiting.

The Quest for a Smile

This morning I decided that I wanted to take a picture of Jamison's smile. Lately he has become so friendly and happy, he'll smile for anything and it just melts my heart. Being a photographer, I wanted to capture that precious, toothless grin. But he'll only smile at me. As soon as my face dissappears behind the camera so does his smile. So this morning I decided I was going to get that smile. It became a personal quest.First I thought it would help if maybe he was sitting up and I could have both hands free, one to click the shutter and the other to wave around to capture his attention. No luck.
Next I bounced him on my knee in the living room. No luck there either.
We moved to his bedroom. I thought if I got on the floor with him maybe I could win a smile.
Nope.
Nope.
Nope.
Nope. Maybe if he was in my lap. Maybe that would work.
Nope.
Nope. But the bubbles are fun.
Nothing.
Nada.
Finally, Dad came to rescue. I held the camera while Keaton made faces and silly noises.
That did the trick. I don't blame him. I laugh at daddy every day, too.
The end.

SleepyHappyHealthy

So I can hardly believe it as I am writing this, but....Jamison slept through the night! That's right, folks, the WHOLE night. I woke up at six thirty to silence, and then, in a panic, realized I hadn't gone to him at all since going to bed. I flew out of bed and burst into his room to make sure he was still alive. Sure enough, he was snoozing ever so peacefully. I touched his face and his hands and scooched him over a bit in the crib and he stirred but didn't wake. Which left me with a problem...should I wake him up to feed him? Or let him continue to sleep? But since I've been told to never wake a sleeping baby, I went back to bed. I shook my husband awake and asked him if while I was sleeping he gave the baby a bottle or something. Nope, he said. "Did you hear him crying?" I asked. (He goes to sleep WAAAY later than me. He'd play world of warcraft all night if he could.) I had started to feel incredibly guilty if he had cried and I just totally slept through it. What kind of mother would that make me?

"A little," he said. But not enough for him to go upstairs to wake me up to get him. It didn't last long, and the tyke just went back to sleep.

So I went back to sleep, until seven thirty when I realized that it was becoming increasingly necessary for me to feed him. He ate hungrily, but never woke up all the way. So then I went back to bed again, and woke up and NINE THIRTY, not to crying, but to cooing coming from his crib as he had a nice conversation with his hands. A miracle, I tell you.

I attribute this wonderful event (hopefully not a fluke) to the best baby sleep book ever: Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Dr. Weissbluth. It is amazing. I have scoured that book and it has made a huge difference in how we handled the night-waking. And voila! Sleeping through the night.

The other day I was discussing different tactics from the book we could use on Jamison with Keaton, and he listened then commented, "Is this how we get a sleepyhappyhealthybaby?" I stared at him a moment before i realized he was referring to the title of the book he'd seen around so often,but only had managed to glean the descriptive words from it and didn't remember the rest. I laughed so hard. It was cute that he was trying. So now, we always refer to Jamison as a sleepyhappyhealthy baby. Or healthysleepyhappy. Or....well, you get the idea.

Now, we have a happysleepyhealthy mommy too!

3 months

I can't believe my baby is three months old!
I love the look on his face. He was protesting his nap even as it took hold of him. You can still see the remnants of his disgruntlement in his eyebrows. :)

And yes, disgruntlement is a real word.

Jamison's Blessing Day

Our special guy was blessed this past Sunday, in the same church that I was blessed in 24 years ago. It was such a beautiful day, and it was so fun to spend time with all of our family and friends afterwards, though I've decided that these events are much more enjoyable when you aren't the one doing preparation and cleanup! Thanks to everyone who came and double thanks for everyone who helped make the day special. (For more shots of Jamison in his blessing outfit, go here.)



Thank you Carolanne for temporarily manning the camera. I don't know what I would have done if I had missed this shot:
Jamison obviously loves parental kisses.

Recycling

It takes a brave girl to chop up her wedding dress! Ever since my wedding day, I've wanted to do something special to preserve the meaning that article of clothing had for me, and the thought came to me that it would be cool to see it turned into a blessing outfit. What else am I ever going to do with it? Of course, I imagined it as a blessing dress, but it just so happened that I had a little boy first. Still, with yards and yards of fabric to work with, there is ample material for both a boy baby outfit and a girl blessing dress, should I ever be so lucky to get one of those. :) And so I set to the project. Since ideas come so naturally to me and executing ideas...well, not so naturally, I was lucky to get some help from a craftier person who happens to live nearby (thanks again, Paula) and we were able to make something special for Jamison on his blessing day. See the finished product in my next post about Jamison's blessing day.

Grandpa Stories

Grandpa Stories has been updated! (meaning, I finally figured out what my password was to that site.) Check it out for a good laugh. (The first story is the legendary bath request. Hilarious.) And to my parents and all my siblings, please contribute! We have a lot we need to get down in writing before we forget! It can be about anything, not just grandpa--anything you might remember that makes our family special. Wierd...but special. :)

Check out the link on my sidebar, or find it here:
Grandpa Stories