Heaven Sent

This is my little man, he was so cute today and the camera was nearby...what can I say? I'm an addict.

He Speaks!

Conversations with my two month old.

Sorry the quality is so bad, I took them with my cell phone this morning at like six, and it was still dark.

Today

Carolanne mentioned on her blog that while she takes a shower she lets William play on the floor outside the bathroom so she can keep an eye on him. I thought this was a great idea so I tried it myself this morning. It was only a quick shower, but as you can see, he was in no mood to play. The light from the bathroom was so pretty and clean I had to get a shot. I spent the next forty five minutes or so stepping over him, he was taking up the whole hall and I couldn't bear to move him and wake him up!


Later on...

Chillin' with Dad. Our baby is getting into World of Warcraft early.

8 years

Eight years ago today I got my very first kiss.

I had spent the day hanging out with my friends, but more importantly with this particular guy upon whom I'd been harboring a huge crush. We'd been on one date in early October, which was awesome, but after that he'd kind of gotten back together with a previous girlfriend. But eight years ago today, it was looking like that was over and I was doing my best to squeak back into his line of sight.

We spent most of the day at the mall, it happened to be the "teacher protest day" and we unofficially had the day off of school. We flirted outrageously, and I remember feeling so cute in jeans and this purple t-shirt.

At the end of the day, he drove me home and I let him listen to my favorite song (at the time it was Neve, "It's over now." Check it out if you've never heard it before.) and then I walked him to his car. As we were saying goodnight he leaned over and kissed me. Really kissed me--maybe more of a kiss than I was ready for, but still good. :)

Here it is, eight years later, and he took me out again. We just went out to eat and talked. When he took me home I got a little bit better than a plain old kiss (blushes) and then I tucked our sweet baby in to his crib. When we say goodnight tonight, we won't have to leave each other. I'll get to fall asleep with him right next to me.

I love my sweetheart. Happy Eight Year First Kiss Anniversary, Keaton. You are my life.

Holiday

Since I've been off on Maternity leave I've been doing my best to get as many family picture sessions as possible to offset the month I'm going without pay. Sometimes I bite off more than I can chew! In one week I've taken pictures for six families! It was a little hectic but I think they went great, and I'm still hoping for one or two more in December. The downside is that this all took place as we were gearing up for Thanksgiving... and then I got sick, on top of everything else. Still, at least I know now that I can juggle this kind of photo volume (this usually never happens, all of them at once) and still take care of my baby. It might get a little more difficult in a month when I go back to my regular job, but it is nice to know that when it becomes possible for me to quit Wells Fargo I'll be able to handle the full time photog thing. Someday...

In the meantime, I forced Logan to take a few shots of my little family today, then I took them home and diced them up and edited them to my satisfaction. (How is it fair I take pictures of everyone else and never get a decent picture of my family?) I was going to use a timer and a tripod, but it was easier directing a human to click the button. :)

Self-Portrait

The other day I was fiddling around with my camera while the baby was napping, trying to find some cool new settings to try out with the family portrait sessions I have coming up. In need of something to focus on, I decided to put the camera on timer and jumped in front of the lens myself. But when I got a good look at the pictures, I felt shock. Photographically, they weren't that bad, but who was that person in the picture?
That
Was
Not
Me.
I know that I don't look like the 115 lbs I weighed in high school...and having a baby recently certainly didn't help, but it wasn't just that. I look tired, pallid, overweight, with unkempt hair and bloodshot eyes. Funny that I hadn't noticed when I looked in the mirror, but in a picture...well, they do say 1000 words.

I found myself faced with a sudden identity crisis. It wasn't just that I didn't look like myself, I haven't felt like myself lately either. When your days become a marathon of feeding, changing, bathing, and soothing its hard to remember who you are beyond just the role you play. I mean, I'm a mom. But is that all? Is that moniker my entire self now?

Since that day I've been thinking a lot about it. I don't want to make being a mom seem one-dimensional or bad, but right now it calls mostly for operation, not introspection. I like to think of myself as a vibrant woman, sometimes silly, sometimes serious. I love smart humor, wit. I value deep, intellectual conversation. I am an artist; I love to create beautiful things, both visually and with words. I love people, I love character. I love long dialogues about love, life, everything... but does that matter when the only person around for most of the day to witness any of these characteristics in me is a 12 lb, 5 week old baby boy?

The answer: absolutely.

See, its easy to get lost in the day-in, day-out routine. But I am daily drawing on those traits that make me special to learn how to do more things, to become even better. I've found in the last few weeks that I am stronger than I ever realized, that I know how to be completely unselfish, to honestly and forthrightly put myself second...I never really knew I could before, because I never really had to before. And I'm not just smart, I'm capable. Sure, I wasn't prepared for everything that this whole "having a baby" thing entails, but I'm doing a good job. I really am. I was given these strengths and talents for a reason. I trust that as my baby grows, a vibrant/silly/serious/witty/artistic/people person is exactly the motherly concoction he'll need to start developing his own special personality sauce. And man. Who needs to publish a book or take a winning picture when you can create something as beautiful and miraculous as another human being?

I decided to try again at the self-portrait thing today. This time, I was much better rested and the light was better and heck, I've even lost a few pounds (which makes me feel great, even if you can't see it in the picture). I didn't even have to use photo shop on anything except to enhance the contrast.
And I remember.
I am beautiful.

Just for fun!

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