Holiday

Since I've been off on Maternity leave I've been doing my best to get as many family picture sessions as possible to offset the month I'm going without pay. Sometimes I bite off more than I can chew! In one week I've taken pictures for six families! It was a little hectic but I think they went great, and I'm still hoping for one or two more in December. The downside is that this all took place as we were gearing up for Thanksgiving... and then I got sick, on top of everything else. Still, at least I know now that I can juggle this kind of photo volume (this usually never happens, all of them at once) and still take care of my baby. It might get a little more difficult in a month when I go back to my regular job, but it is nice to know that when it becomes possible for me to quit Wells Fargo I'll be able to handle the full time photog thing. Someday...

In the meantime, I forced Logan to take a few shots of my little family today, then I took them home and diced them up and edited them to my satisfaction. (How is it fair I take pictures of everyone else and never get a decent picture of my family?) I was going to use a timer and a tripod, but it was easier directing a human to click the button. :)

Self-Portrait

The other day I was fiddling around with my camera while the baby was napping, trying to find some cool new settings to try out with the family portrait sessions I have coming up. In need of something to focus on, I decided to put the camera on timer and jumped in front of the lens myself. But when I got a good look at the pictures, I felt shock. Photographically, they weren't that bad, but who was that person in the picture?
That
Was
Not
Me.
I know that I don't look like the 115 lbs I weighed in high school...and having a baby recently certainly didn't help, but it wasn't just that. I look tired, pallid, overweight, with unkempt hair and bloodshot eyes. Funny that I hadn't noticed when I looked in the mirror, but in a picture...well, they do say 1000 words.

I found myself faced with a sudden identity crisis. It wasn't just that I didn't look like myself, I haven't felt like myself lately either. When your days become a marathon of feeding, changing, bathing, and soothing its hard to remember who you are beyond just the role you play. I mean, I'm a mom. But is that all? Is that moniker my entire self now?

Since that day I've been thinking a lot about it. I don't want to make being a mom seem one-dimensional or bad, but right now it calls mostly for operation, not introspection. I like to think of myself as a vibrant woman, sometimes silly, sometimes serious. I love smart humor, wit. I value deep, intellectual conversation. I am an artist; I love to create beautiful things, both visually and with words. I love people, I love character. I love long dialogues about love, life, everything... but does that matter when the only person around for most of the day to witness any of these characteristics in me is a 12 lb, 5 week old baby boy?

The answer: absolutely.

See, its easy to get lost in the day-in, day-out routine. But I am daily drawing on those traits that make me special to learn how to do more things, to become even better. I've found in the last few weeks that I am stronger than I ever realized, that I know how to be completely unselfish, to honestly and forthrightly put myself second...I never really knew I could before, because I never really had to before. And I'm not just smart, I'm capable. Sure, I wasn't prepared for everything that this whole "having a baby" thing entails, but I'm doing a good job. I really am. I was given these strengths and talents for a reason. I trust that as my baby grows, a vibrant/silly/serious/witty/artistic/people person is exactly the motherly concoction he'll need to start developing his own special personality sauce. And man. Who needs to publish a book or take a winning picture when you can create something as beautiful and miraculous as another human being?

I decided to try again at the self-portrait thing today. This time, I was much better rested and the light was better and heck, I've even lost a few pounds (which makes me feel great, even if you can't see it in the picture). I didn't even have to use photo shop on anything except to enhance the contrast.
And I remember.
I am beautiful.

Just for fun!

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

Angels!

Who could resist?

A Midnight Conversation

Two nights ago, as I was groggily crawling back into bed after another feeding, this exchange took place between me and my sleeping husband.

Keaton: mumble mumble
Crystal: what?
Keaton: Together
Crystal: what's together?
Keaton: gather together
Crystal: What are we gathering together?
Keaton: To-geth-er.
Crystal: what? What is together?
Keaton: You know, me, you, Logan, Brian. (I don't even know which Brian he's talking about)
Crystal: What are we gathering together?
Keaton: Stats, like bonus points.
Crystal: What?
Keaton: Oh, for cryin'.
Crystal: Keaton, you're talking in your sleep.
Keaton: No I'm not.
Crystal: It's four thirty in the morning.
Keaton: I've been in bed since two!
Crystal: I know... you're talking in your sleep.
Keaton: mumble mumble (he's out again.)

I was totally laughing in the dead middle of the night. I love having a sleep-talking husband!

Four Weeks

In honor of my baby's four week milestone, I wanted to share a few things I've learned about motherhood.

1. Sleep is a nicety, not a necessity.

2. There are a lot of things that can be done one-handed. For example, eating, folding laundry, blogging. And if it can't be done one-handed...well, I just don't do it. Problem solved.

3. Duncan is a dog again. It wasn't long ago we thought of our mini schnauzer as our "baby." And though we still love him, he is back to being just a dog.


4. Whoever came up with the term "sleeping like a baby" probably didn't have a baby. In truth a napping baby is both precious and perilous...its a beautiful thing, but often ill-timed and short-lived.5. What goes in the baby is not what comes out of the baby. I've seen what this little guy eats... it doesn't look anything like what he poops. Baby magic?
6. Tackling the most disgusting, messy diaper disaster is preferable to seeing your baby unhappy. Otherwise he would never get changed.
7. A girl who could have slept through a hurricane can become a mother who will startle awake at the barest whisper of a baby sigh from a room over.
8. Anything can be used as a burp rag. A blanket, a tablecloth, your own sleeve. Clothes covered in spit-up should be worn with pride--they indicate that you are a mom.
9. Nothing is sexier than a daddy cuddling with his baby.

Nothing.

10. Any day where the house is still standing and mom, dad and baby are all alive and well is a good day.

I love this little guy.

More pictures on envisionimage.blogspot.com

Sunday Morning

my beautiful boys

A Shameless Plug

I just wanted to let everyone know that I'm doing a family photo blitz this month, so tell everyone you know! Get a $10 discount on the regular family shoot price AND free Christmas Cards! I have fliers and business cards for anyone who is interested. Here are a few samples of the Christmas Cards I've done so far for this season, but I can whip one up to whatever specifications are needed. And remember, all proceeds go to the "support Crystal while she's on unpaid maternity leave in December" fund. And if you already have a family picture you want on a Christmas Card (provided you have the copyright) you can purchase (or have me design) 25 of these 4x8 designs w/ envelopes for $20.


Thanks everybody!

What did you do today?

We voted.

A Photo Tag

Robin tagged me to post the 4th picture from my 4th folder. I thought, hey, this is a fun tag! I am a photographer, what could be more fun than picking a random picture from my picture folder?

So here it is:


Yeah. I heard a disappointing "wah wah wah" in the background, too. This, my friends, is a picture of my nightstand from my "moving day" folder. Of all the zillions of pictures i take, this is the one that came up for this tag. Amazing!

To make myself feel better, I picked the 4th picture from my 4th archived folder on my portable hardrive. This one was much better.


This is Keaton's beautiful sister Amy, when I took her missionary pictures at Jensen Park this past summer. She is currently serving in the Romania Bucharest mission, she got there two days before Jamison was born. She is loving it and of course, doing an awesome job!

I tag Carolanne, Carma and Sandy!